The Currents of This World

Are you familiar with the phrase "down the rabbit hole"? It's a fairly common phrase, but it became a reality to me in August 2007. After nearly 23 years of studying ancient history, religious practices and spiritual traditions, I have come away fairly disgusted with religious organizations. This is not a new concept, I meet more and more people who have been victimized and brainwashed by various religious institutions, none seem to be exempt from negative practices of some sort. Now, that is not a new revelation either. If an idea becomes an organization, people will find a way to exploit it, and that is simply a negative manifestation of human nature. The seed idea of (most) organizations usually cannot be held responsible for human maladjustment.

Having a serious interest in spiritualism, metaphysics and philosophies, as they can be applied pragmatically to one's development, I have found myself on a journey of immense proportions. I thought I was going find "something". A thing, a writing. I would find it and it would explain the answers to my questions and I would know how it all fit together. What I found was reading, sifting, contemplating, debunking, meditating, strange dreams and unexplainable coincidences.

Bits of truth would break through my "bias barrier" to shed a ray of light on a line of thought, and that would have to suffice for a space of time. There are cycles of learning, if one is seeking truths, and once these cycles are duly noted it is easier to work with information. It doesn't all come at once, that would blow one's circuits, literally.

Once adulthood is reached, there are structures in place that are intimately involved with one's worldview. These structures are, more often than not, tied in with a religious upbringing and all of the stories of religious founders, heroes and their deeds; the things we were taught by our parents, because we have no reason to disbelieve them, nor should they have disbelieved their parents; politics, relationships; biases of race, color or religion. All of these structures are built into who we are and shape how we see everything. To upset one small part of the structure has a reflex effect upon major portions of ones mental structure, or if the revelation is big enough, all of it. A crisis of epic proportions can be the result, and if the person is not supported or understood, it could get very ugly.

I think for the most part people only skim the surface of themselves because to go deep is frightening and upsetting. No one wants to feel strong negative emotions, to sob or to find themselves with a permanently altered worldview, making them different from everyone else. Or do they? Somewhere inside of each and every one of us is a place where we long for the freedom to be who we are. We don't want to apologize for our existence, or what or whom we like. We want the freedom to explore our feelings and know what it is to be truly human without some very judgemental organizations warning us against using our minds to grow and individuate. Beside the fact that they are warned against judgement in the first place, it is likened to a form of murder. Murder in the sense of killing a person's ability to use the freewill which is our inherant right. A person who tells you that one should throw out free thought in favor of the instruction of their preferred institution, is attempting to kill your free thought and your free will. Now I realize that a certain number of people are searching for a benevolent dictator to tell them what to do, save them from themselves and promise them golden palaces for eternity. I am not among that number.

I am not an atheist, though I make no judgements on those who are. When I think of all the spriritual abuse meted out by various churches I was dragged to as a kid, the admonition not to ask questions because God hates a questioner, I don't blame anyone for seeking an alternative to the fundamentalist worldview. I once read a quote by a rabbi who was speaking to an atheist, and said, "The God you don't believe in, I don't believe in myself." He was referring to the idea of an angry, jealous fellow in the sky who loves us but will torture us for all of eternity should we put a toe out of line.

Think outside the box. I believe there are more than two options. I believe in an intelligent consciousness which permeates everything seen and unseen. This consciousness is consciousness itself, experiencing states of being. It will not spank us if we are bad or send us to hell. It is imminent and transcendent and we are living in it. We are self regulating in so much as we possess this consciousness and with it the ability to either become awakened to it, or fight it and be miserable until we learn not to fight with ourselves. Tune in to it. Breath slowly and rythmically. Let your body relax. If you are still and quiet you feel it, like a pleasant and energetic warmth filling you.

Sooner or later you will find yourself at a place in your life when you are ready to go down that rabbit hole: throwing out all expectations and agendas, and just wanting truth. If you want truth without expectations, you will marvel at what you find. It will seem as if everyone and everything around you is feeding you with information and experiences to aid you along the way. They have been all along, but now you are conscious of it, and can make good use of the information. The outmoded and false parts of your structure will begin to fall away, but if you want truth, you must be willing to discard what is not useful to your growth. Prepare yourself and it will be less upsetting.

What truth have I found? That going inside myself and throwing out all imposed beliefs and shiboleths, absolutes and biases was the most liberating experience of my life. That it is not so scary to peer into the abyss, because what was down there was holding me back from indiviuation. What I found was aided by the desire not to be a person who has all the answers, but to be open to answers. A wise revealer said: "Continue seeking until you find. When you find you will become troubled . . . " Troubled to be sure! That structure is coming down! Its okay. It's not meant to stand. The structure that you will erect in it's place will be permanent. It will be you as you are. No apologies, no agendas, no judgements, no shame. Just you. The currents of this world will no longer pull you this way and that. You will know where you are going because you will have learned where you came from. No one can take that from you. I may not tell you what I have seen or what truth I have found, that is MY journey, and besides, you probably wouldn't believe me anyway. You'd have to see and experience it for yourself.

The major religious organizations of this world cannot give this to you. They can only demand your submission. Open your mind, free yourself. You have the universe to gain.